I wish they'd still let you play.

If I was in charge of player personnel, the average player would be 38 years old. And bad.


Want to be a co-author, or just submit one entry? Email me at JeffHornacekfor3@gmail.com
Wed Jun 3
Kevin Stocker You gotta respect an original devil ray. Remember Kevin Stocker? Yeah, neither does anyone else.

Kevin Stocker

You gotta respect an original devil ray.

Remember Kevin Stocker? Yeah, neither does anyone else.

Mon Jun 1
Austin Croshere Does Austin Croshere count? Is Austin Croshere retired? Technically no, as he was signed to a 10 day contract in January by the Spurs. However, we can all agree that Croshere was a special player, as it takes serious…something to be able to play 12 years in the NBA as a white guy from Providence while people still aren’t 100% sure how to pronounce your name. This isn’t Desagana Diop we’re talking about. cro-SHEER? CRO-shur? I heard the only guy who knows is Mark Jackson.

Austin Croshere

Does Austin Croshere count? Is Austin Croshere retired? Technically no, as he was signed to a 10 day contract in January by the Spurs. However, we can all agree that Croshere was a special player, as it takes serious…something to be able to play 12 years in the NBA as a white guy from Providence while people still aren’t 100% sure how to pronounce your name. This isn’t Desagana Diop we’re talking about.

cro-SHEER? CRO-shur? I heard the only guy who knows is Mark Jackson.

Wed May 13

IWYWSITNBA will return June 1st, rebranded as “I wish they still let you play.”

This is in order to allow baseball and football players like Mike Figga and Dusty Zeigler to make the cut.

Thu Apr 16
#17: Rex Chapman Rex. Could. Snipe. He, along with Thunder Dan Majerle, is one of these white guys who jammed for years, then became a sniper as he got older, and a very effective one at that. I don’t think we have many guys like that in the league any more. Rex is the VP for Player Personnel Nuggets. Keep it up, King Rex.

#17: Rex Chapman

Rex. Could. Snipe. He, along with Thunder Dan Majerle, is one of these white guys who jammed for years, then became a sniper as he got older, and a very effective one at that. I don’t think we have many guys like that in the league any more.

Rex is the VP for Player Personnel Nuggets. Keep it up, King Rex.

Wed Apr 15
#16: Tony Delk I’ll be honest, I don’t really know how good Tony Delk was during his NBA career. However, if you had the same playing style as I did in NBA Live, you know you brought him off the bench to sub for that point guard who couldn’t shoot the 3 ball, whatever team he was on. I bet that if there was a list of the Jimi’s top scorers in NBA Live history, they would be as follows: 7’+” version of me Peja Stojakovic Steve Nash Tony Delk Despite being a backup point guard, Delk has always been able to make it rain, and that has given him some serious value in NBA Live. Again, I have no idea about real life.

#16: Tony Delk

I’ll be honest, I don’t really know how good Tony Delk was during his NBA career. However, if you had the same playing style as I did in NBA Live, you know you brought him off the bench to sub for that point guard who couldn’t shoot the 3 ball, whatever team he was on. I bet that if there was a list of the Jimi’s top scorers in NBA Live history, they would be as follows:

  1. 7’+” version of me
  2. Peja Stojakovic
  3. Steve Nash
  4. Tony Delk

Despite being a backup point guard, Delk has always been able to make it rain, and that has given him some serious value in NBA Live.

Again, I have no idea about real life.

Tue Apr 14
#15: Tyrone Hill If you played NBA Live 2000, you know that, by beating Michael Jordan in 1 on 1, you could unlock him. I unlocked him and put him on blazers, intent on building a team that was him and a bunch of really shitty players. (Interestingly enough, the Washington Wizards would try the exact same thing only one year later.) Anyway, when I went about getting my shitty free agents, Tyrone Hill was the first guy on my list. In reality he was a pretty good player for a few years, but that’s not the Tyrone I remember. The Tyrone I remember was located on the Free Agents roster and had an overall rating in the 60’s. Tyrone just turned 41, which I’ve been told takes courage. Stay strong Tyrone!

#15: Tyrone Hill

If you played NBA Live 2000, you know that, by beating Michael Jordan in 1 on 1, you could unlock him. I unlocked him and put him on blazers, intent on building a team that was him and a bunch of really shitty players. (Interestingly enough, the Washington Wizards would try the exact same thing only one year later.) Anyway, when I went about getting my shitty free agents, Tyrone Hill was the first guy on my list.

In reality he was a pretty good player for a few years, but that’s not the Tyrone I remember. The Tyrone I remember was located on the Free Agents roster and had an overall rating in the 60’s.

Tyrone just turned 41, which I’ve been told takes courage. Stay strong Tyrone!

Mon Apr 13
#14: Jeff Hornacek Notice that Hornacek wore #14. I think this is the first player where I’ve nailed this. Jeff Hornacek was known mostly as the other little white guard on the Jazz, the one who was not named John Stockton. But he was so much more than that. He was also the starter for the Utah Jazz born in 1963 who wasn’t Karl Malone. So there’s that too. He’s also the guy on the sixers in NBA Jam who isn’t Clarence Weatherspoon. Perhaps that’s the most important thing to remember about Jeff Hornacek. Fine, he wasn’t quite as good as Stockton or Malone, but he wasn’t Clarence Weatherspoon either, and that’s all you need to say. Jeff is living in Arizona and his son goes to Notre Dame now. Stay fly, Jeff. PS WYWSITNBA wants someone to buy it this lovely painting.

#14: Jeff Hornacek

Notice that Hornacek wore #14. I think this is the first player where I’ve nailed this.

Jeff Hornacek was known mostly as the other little white guard on the Jazz, the one who was not named John Stockton. But he was so much more than that. He was also the starter for the Utah Jazz born in 1963 who wasn’t Karl Malone. So there’s that too.

He’s also the guy on the sixers in NBA Jam who isn’t Clarence Weatherspoon. Perhaps that’s the most important thing to remember about Jeff Hornacek. Fine, he wasn’t quite as good as Stockton or Malone, but he wasn’t Clarence Weatherspoon either, and that’s all you need to say.

Jeff is living in Arizona and his son goes to Notre Dame now. Stay fly, Jeff.

PS WYWSITNBA wants someone to buy it this lovely painting.

Sun Apr 12
Each Sunday Special is dedicated to a type of player I wish was still in the NBA, rather than just one specific player. Sunday Special #2: Ridiculously Huge Centers. Examples: Manute Bol, Gheorghe Mursean, Slavko Vranes, Chuck Nevitt, Shawn Bradley. Now first off, I know what you’re thinking. Yao Ming still plays, so obviously there are still ridiculously huge centers. This is not so, young one. Certainly Yao is huge, but is he ridiculously huge? Consider these questions: Does Yao have some semblence of athleticism? Does Yao have enough weight on his body to look merely skinny, not skeletal? Can Yao catch the ball? Can Yao run? I think if you answer these questions, you will see that, while he may have similar height, Yao Ming is not in the same class as Shawn Bradley or Chuck Nevitt. These guys lacked coordination, they lacked grace, and they lacked toughness. These guys weren’t just huge, they were so huge they were ridiculous. Besides Manute Bol, who was actually pretty decent, the best things these guys did were in the entertainment industry. Muresan: My Giant Bradley: Space Jam* Nevitt: The famous quote: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” (explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982) Slavko Vranes didn’t do anything in entertainment, but that’s more than he did in the nba. *This is true unless you’ve played NBA Inside Drive. If you’ve played NBA Inside Drive, you know that Shawn Bradley wasn’t just good in that game, he was the best player in the league, bar none. So NBA Inside Drive is in the running for the best thing Shawn Bradley ever did, because if he’s that good in the game, he obviously had a hand in its creation. Stand Tall Boys!

Each Sunday Special is dedicated to a type of player I wish was still in the NBA, rather than just one specific player.

Sunday Special #2: Ridiculously Huge Centers.

Examples: Manute Bol, Gheorghe Mursean, Slavko Vranes, Chuck Nevitt, Shawn Bradley.

Now first off, I know what you’re thinking. Yao Ming still plays, so obviously there are still ridiculously huge centers.

This is not so, young one. Certainly Yao is huge, but is he ridiculously huge? Consider these questions:

  • Does Yao have some semblence of athleticism?
  • Does Yao have enough weight on his body to look merely skinny, not skeletal?
  • Can Yao catch the ball?
  • Can Yao run?

I think if you answer these questions, you will see that, while he may have similar height, Yao Ming is not in the same class as Shawn Bradley or Chuck Nevitt. These guys lacked coordination, they lacked grace, and they lacked toughness. These guys weren’t just huge, they were so huge they were ridiculous. Besides Manute Bol, who was actually pretty decent, the best things these guys did were in the entertainment industry.

  • Muresan: My Giant
  • Bradley: Space Jam*
  • Nevitt: The famous quote: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” (explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982)
  • Slavko Vranes didn’t do anything in entertainment, but that’s more than he did in the nba.

*This is true unless you’ve played NBA Inside Drive. If you’ve played NBA Inside Drive, you know that Shawn Bradley wasn’t just good in that game, he was the best player in the league, bar none. So NBA Inside Drive is in the running for the best thing Shawn Bradley ever did, because if he’s that good in the game, he obviously had a hand in its creation.

Stand Tall Boys!

Sat Apr 11
#13: Olden Polynice Pronounced OLD-ENN PAH-LI-NEESE, Polynice was one of those guys whose chief claims of awesomeness were on the back of his jersey. The haitian had 1) the great name, and 2) wore the number 0. He served as a borderline starting center for 11 years, and has been intimately involved in the development of the WNBA since his retirement. His only arrest came in 2000, when a car hit his, and he chased the guy down and then did…something…which eventually led to him pleading guilty to impersonating a police officer. (Who hasn’t?) Stay Golden, Olden Polynice!

#13: Olden Polynice

Pronounced OLD-ENN PAH-LI-NEESE, Polynice was one of those guys whose chief claims of awesomeness were on the back of his jersey. The haitian had 1) the great name, and 2) wore the number 0. He served as a borderline starting center for 11 years, and has been intimately involved in the development of the WNBA since his retirement. His only arrest came in 2000, when a car hit his, and he chased the guy down and then did…something…which eventually led to him pleading guilty to impersonating a police officer. (Who hasn’t?)

Stay Golden, Olden Polynice!

Fri Apr 10
#12: Cherokee Parks Say what you want about Cherokee Parks. Complain all day long about his career average of 4.4 points per game. Whine about how the former 12th overall pick and Duke star started a total of 151 games in 8 NBA seasons. Was he a disappointment? Certainly. But at the end of the day, is his name still Cherokee Parks? You bet your bottom dollar it is. I cannot find any recent information on Cherokee’s whereabouts, unless he’s turned into Cherokee Park. If this is the case, Cherokee now spends his days as an urban park in Louisville, Kentucky. Keep firing, Cherokee Park(s)!

#12: Cherokee Parks

Say what you want about Cherokee Parks. Complain all day long about his career average of 4.4 points per game. Whine about how the former 12th overall pick and Duke star started a total of 151 games in 8 NBA seasons. Was he a disappointment? Certainly. But at the end of the day, is his name still Cherokee Parks? You bet your bottom dollar it is.

I cannot find any recent information on Cherokee’s whereabouts, unless he’s turned into Cherokee Park. If this is the case, Cherokee now spends his days as an urban park in Louisville, Kentucky. Keep firing, Cherokee Park(s)!